The other day I was working at Cherokee Trail, when this big, long, tall drink of water came in looking so sexy. So I sashayed my badonkadonk over to him, batted my eyes and asked what brought him in to see us. He told me that his eyes were really giving him a fit. I noticed that his eyes were red and had this gooey, yellow discharge. He was a hottie but his eyes was just plan gross looking. I told him to sit, stay, and we would get him fixed right up. (Editor’s Note: Lulu has very high self esteem but failed English class, which is ironic, since she is an English Bulldog).
I ran as fast as my short but sexy legs would run until I found Dr. Boyette. I was talking and panting all at the same time and Dr. Boyette told me to be quiet and catch my breafth. After a few minutes, I told Dr. Boyette about the hottie out in the waiting room with the nasty looking eyes. I explained that I wanted to get to know Mr. Hottie better, but those eyes had to be fixed first. Just sayin! So we brought my handsome man friend into the examination room.
Dr. Boyette looked at my friend’s eyes with an ophthalmascope, you know, that thingy with a light that they use to look into the eyes. Then he cleaned the nasty goop off hot stuff’s eyes and he was starting to look better by the moment. Next, Dr. Boyette did a Schirmer Tear Test to measure his tear production. This is done by placing a magic strip of paper just inside the lower eyelid in the outer corner of the eye and left for 60 seconds. I counted 1 Missasipee, 2 Missasipee, etc. The moisture of the eye wets the paper and after 60 Missasipees the wet area is measured to determine if the dog has sufficient tear production. Well, guess what, Mr. Handsome had really poor tear production and he was diagnosed with dry eye (aka, Keratoconjunctivitis Sicca)!
Dr. Boyette explained that tears are essential to the comfort of our eyes but they do more than just provide lubrimacation. Tears contain anti-bacterial proteins, salts, sugars and even oxygen to nourishminate the eyes. Tears flush away the gunk that we are constantly getting in our eyes. Tears mostly consist of water but also contain oil secreted from the eyelid glands and mucous. Without the water, all that is left is oil and mucous, making that nasty, gooey, yellow eye discharge. Ga-ross! Dr. Boyette explained that without tears, eyes become irrimatated, the tissue gets red and the cornea in time will turn brown in an effort to protect the eye . If let untreated, blindness can result! Oh, snap! The good news is that usually dry eye can be easily treated with prescription eye drops. So Dr. Boyette sent Mr. Dark and Handsome home with the eye drops and scheduled him to come back in three weeks to recheck his tear production to make sure the medimacation was working.
Well, three weeks later, here walks in my man looking all clear eyed and hotter than ever. Dr. Boyette rechecked his tear production and it was in the normal range. And no eye goobers, no redness, no irrimatation. So Dr. Boyette told him to continue to use the eye drops as subscribed. As me and handsome man walked out together, he told me his name was Diesel. He said that he liked the way my badonkadonk donked when I walked and he thought my wrinkles were bootiful. We made a date for Saturday night and had a wonderful time staring in each other’s eyes and smooching under the moonlight. What a man, what a man, what a mighty good man!
Until next time…